He Wants Me

Okay my bad, the poem for this entry is on the other computer, so I will add it later. But Praise the Lord our office computer is now working. Here Suzy and I are trying to work step by step blind on our computer because of the screen using her computer as a template, tab then down nine times, then etc, etc. She prayed and somehow we were able to extend the computer screen onto the old monitor!

This first month here, has gone by quickly, full of finding a new house, moving, getting settled in, starting a routine, changing the routine, researching for the project, learning as always, starting pathfinders again! Much excitement. But it has been one of the hardest month since I have been here in Africa. I just felt very discouraged, stressers that had been in place last year, just seem worse, and I just thought I couldn’t handle it all. It has been a struggle to transition to living on my own without my comrade Manny. Though I am very grateful for my church family here and the support of the two missionaries, Uli and Suzy, I am certainly not alone! So I was really questioning, as we all do sometimes, about the decision I made to come back another term and miss another year of college study (who would have thought I could miss study!). Last week on Friday, I found time in the evening to just fall before God. Really pour out, I am learning this all. For most of my life, I have been an intellectual pray-er. Thinking to God, but not talking to Him. And at that moment, I almost didn’t have the words, but I felt the strong desire just to pray. As I knelt for a few minutes, I really felt God speak to my heart. He told me that He really just wanted me. It was simple but what I needed. I have been wanting to give all my work, my activities, offer so much to Him. But what He wants first is me, my life, my heart, all those other things He’ll put into place. It’s not easy to overcome my selfish tendencies, and discouraged attitude, but I can always know the victory was won on Calvary, and He’ll me take part in that victory today! After this praying I wrote this poem. I think it describes best what I have been trying to get across. I hope it blesses you.

"God Wants"

He wants me,
Not my time,
Not my money,
Nor my good deeds,
He wants me.

He doesn't need a missionary,
He doesn't need a pastor,
He doesn't need a one man show,
All He's ever dreamed of having,
Is me, my life, my all.

When in His loving arms I fall,
He's happy to let me know the rest,
What I can give of my time,
What I can sacrifices of my money,
What I do in His loving service.

Once my heart is to Him given,
He's ready to use me fully,
On the high seas of missions,
Into the adventures of pastoring,
Becoming a man reflecting God's glory.

It's so much clearer,
Life and all its challenges,
When I understand how it's me He wants,
Then so much more easily I can see,
That God wants me and you and everyone!